Blessed or cursed
by VictoriaGrant
Summary: Mary/Bert, mix of move and book verse- so the characters from the books will be in here, if you havn t read the books and don t understand certain things feel free to ask, please read and review!


**This story is a mix of book and movie based - in case you havn´t read the books, the Banks have three other children after Jane and Michael, first Barbara and John who are twins and then Annabel- it appears that Mary Poppins has a special ability to communicate with the baby when she is born and there´s a chapter about Annabel talking to a star who keeps visiting the children´s room, looking for crumbs and she tells him where she came from and he tells her that she will all forget it in time and she gets very angry and starts crying- so I used all this in the story, the other children will be in it and the special thing between Annabel and Mary Poppins- then it will of course be Mary/Bert and I´m warning you, it´s going to be painfully sweet ;) Please read and review! **

"Mary Poppins?"

The little blond girl asked, looking up from her doll house.

"Would you say you are blessed or that you are cursed?"

Mary, who had been mending a skirt Barbara had ripped while climbing a tree the previous day, looked up from her needle work.

"What do you mean, Annabel?"

"I was just thinking" the four year old shrugged, "about you and what you are."

"WHAT I am, I beg your pardon? I hope it has become clear to you by now that I am a very respectable person."

"Oh, yes- you are a lady" the child admitted as she got up from the floor and walked over to her nanny.

Mary´s face softened, she never told anyone of course but Annabel Banks was her soft spot- the little girl with the big blue eyes and the golden curls was the only Bank´s child that she had known from infancy and then of course Annabel was different, the star had been wrong when he had told the small child that she would forget everything- she had forgotten a great deal, much to Mary´s disappointment but she still knew considerable more than any other child.

What exactly made Annabel so special Mary could only guess, she thought that it probably had happened when she had held the little girl in her arms right after the baby had been born, when Annabel had still known everything- somehow the early contact with Mary had enclosed a lot of things in Annabel´s memory that didn´t really belong there.

Mary put her work aside and lifted Annabel up onto her lap.

"So I´d like to hear an explanation, if you please."

"Well, most of it all is marvelous of course- the flying- the journeys into pictures- turning medicine to strawberry sirup- getting up onto the roof- all the magic."

"Magic?"

Mary Poppins tried to sound as though she found the child´s ideas most ridiculous but she didn´t pull it off convincingly, the little girl was simply too intriguing.

"Yes, of course."

Annabel confirmed matter of factly, then added "But you can´t quit, can you? You can´t just decide that you don´t want to do it anymore and go somewhere you like."

"I suppose I couldn´t- not that I have tried in ernest, practically perfect people live up to what is expected from them without wasting time pondering silly questions- but you are probably right."

Mary admitted, somewhat reluctantly.

"So are there more things that are good about magic that make up for the rest or are there more you want so bad but you can´t have?"

The big blue eyes were filled with innocent curiosity and Mary leaned back in the rocking chair as she wondered what to answer, realizing that she wasn´t too sure herself.

"I´m not sure, Darling, there are advantages of course- like you said, magic is wonderful and I don´t know if I could still do it if for any reason I´d find a way out."

"But isn´t being practically perfect all the time not really exhausting?"

Annabel asked as she leaned against Mary´s chest, it was rather late and the child had played animatedly all day long while her siblings had been at school.

Mary Poppins absentmindedly stroked the child´s hair as Annabel´s eyes started to close, the girl´s questions had stirred something inside of Mary, something she usually avoided even thinking about.

After a while Mary sensed that Annabel had fallen asleep and she got up from the rocking chair and carried the girl over to her bed and laid her down, then she carefully covered her with the sheets and bent down to kiss her forehead.

"Sleep well, my angel" she whispered before leaving the room to check on her other charges, Jane was fifteen now and only grudgingly shared the old nursery with Barbara, saying that she ought to have Annabel´s room and Annabel should share with their six year old sister.

Michael at thirteen didn´t mind his little brother John much, the two boys generally got along well.

For some reason no one would listen to Jane´s complaints and Annabel got to keep her room to herself up to now.

After having said goodnight to the boys Mary entered the girl´s bedroom and found Barbara already asleep while Jane was sitting on the window sill, dressed in a robe and looking up into the starry sky.

"Hello, Mary Poppins" Jane greeted her without turning away from the window.

"Hello- seeing anything interesting?"

"No- I was just thinking."

"So was I" Mary sighed, earning herself a surprised glance from the girl, she never admitted any weakness but then Jane wasn´t a child anymore but a young lady and Mary was simply very confused.

"Mary Poppins? Are you feeling all right? You seem somewhat- flustered."

"I don´t even know what the word means" Mary huffed as she sank down on a chair next to the window.

Jane smiled knowingly and Mary thought how quickly the little girl had grown into a young lady.

"Fine, I do feel- flustered. It´s very silly, actually, she´s only four after all."

"Oh, Annabel- you know she isn´t really four- she doesn´t think like she is four."

Mary Poppins nodded absentmindedly, then sat up straight again.

"I can´t believe I´m having this conversation with you- now come on, young lady, time for bed."

"Now you are my nanny again?"

Jane asked indignantly and obviously wanted to continue with her complains but one look from Mary Poppins made her change her mind and she closed her mouth again, instead she quickly slipped off the window sill and climbed into bed.

"I´ve never been anything else- goodnight, Jane."

"Goodnight, Mary Poppins."

Mary walked over into the small chamber enclosed to the nursery, a door had been put in in the meantime to ensure some more privacy and Mary quickly changed into her nightshirt, then she stepped up to the window and opened it.

She smiled when she noticed the lonely figure standing on the pavement below and leaned out of the window, her long dark hair falling over her shoulders like a curtain.

"Bert" she whispered and he looked up at her, his eyes twinkling.

"Good evening- I was hoping to see you, it took you rather long."

"I know- I need to talk to you."

"In that case you ought to come down here."

"I can´t, I´m in my nightshirt and the children are asleep- I need you to come up here."

"Mary Poppins, I can´t believe you just said that."

He teased her and Mary blushed, then she drew herself up to her full hight.

"I have no idea what exactly you are implying but let me inform you that you are wrong and that I wasn´t thinking of anything inappropriate, all I want is to talk to you."

He chuckled, shaking his head.

"Oh Mary, you are so adorably predictable- so how are you planning to get me up there?"

"Close you eyes" she commanded, still sounding slightly annoyed and when he obeyed she snapped her fingers and instantly Bert appeared standing next to her.

"Did it work?"

He asked without opening his eyes.

"Of course it did, it´s not as though I was as unreliable when it comes to doing these things as you."

Mary Poppins snapped as she stood in front of him, her arms crossed.

He opened his eyes and looked at her and the way his eyes were roaming over her made Mary blush.

"What exactly are you looking at?"

"You of course- I have never seen you in your nightshirt- or with your hair down- you are looking so much softer- and younger."

"Thank you for younger, about softer I´m not sure yet."

"Oh, it was meant entirely as a complement- you look lovely, Mary, not just beautiful as usual."

She blushed even harder, he had never actually told her that he found her beautiful, she could tell by his looks and smiles of course but she had never heard it from him before.

"So what do you want to talk about?"

Bert asked conversationally, sitting down on her bed and leaning back against the cushions.

"I was talking to Annabel earlier and it was somewhat- disturbing."

"Oh?"

Bert looked at her, waiting for her to continue and Mary slowly sat down on the bed as well, as far from him as possible, it somehow felt strange to be alone with him when she wasn´t all prim and proper dressed and groomed, she felt vulnerable.

"She asked me if I would say that I was blessed or cursed- what makes her even think that, Bert? Of course it´s not a curse, am I right?"

She looked pleadingly at him, she needed his reassurance but she knew that she wouldn´t get it from him if he didn´t agree with her, he was always honest and she appreciated it, even though right now it rather scared her.

He didn´t say anything for some time and Mary got more and more nervous and she had just decided to say something when Bert said "I suppose it´s the point of view- how do you see it, do you think the good things that come with it are weighing out the bad ones?"

"Well, I- I don´t know, Bert, do they?"

"I don´t think I can answer this for you, Mary- you have to know that yourself."

She sighed heavily and walked over to the window, her arms wrapping around herself as she shivered in the cold night air drifting in through the window.

She felt the warmth of Bert´s body when he stepped up behind her, then she froze when he gently placed his hands on her upper arms.

"Bert- what are you doing?"

"Keeping you warm."

His voice in her ear send shivers down Mary´s spine and she wasn´t at all surprised when his hands glided down her arms and his arms closed around her waist.

He pulled her back against him and after a moment she relaxed into his embrace, it felt comfortable and comforting and even thought it was by no means appropriate, standing here in Bert´s arms, especially not while wearing only a nightshirt but it felt just so good.

"I think it doesn´t way out the bad parts then" Mary whispered, she was trying to hold back the tears threatening to fall at any moment as she looked up into the star strewn sky.

At this moment she wished nothing more than to be normal, to be able to turn around and put her head on his chest and stay in his arms forever, never looking back again and yet she knew that it wasn´t possible, she was what she was and there was nothing she could do about it.

"You aren´t crying, are you?"

Bert whispered to her and finally Mary couldn´t hold herself back anymore, she turned in his arms and pressed her face into the hollow of his neck as she started to sob.

"Mary, Darling, don´t cry, please" Bert sounded helpless, so different from his usual cheerfulness but he held her tightly against him, one arm wrapped around her waist, one hand caressing her back in a soothingly.

"I am sorry" she chocked without lifting her face up, "practically perfect doesn´t seem to mean perfect after all."

"Don´t be sorry, come, let´s sit down, you are cold."

He led her away from the window and made her sit down on the bed, then he took her robe down from the rug and wrapped her into it.

"Look, Sweetheart, you don´t have to be perfect, you are wonderful just the way you are, there´s nothing I would want to change about you."

"You wouldn´t?"

She finally looked at him again, her voice hopeful, she loved him so much and yet she never was sure if he was feeling the same about her but when he was looking at her like this she was almost sure he did.

"No- I wouldn´t- I love you, Mary, I have for a long time."

"Bert- you don´t know what you are saying, you can´t love me, I don´t know if I ever will be free."

"I don´t care, Mary, I would wait forever for you- there could never be anyone else."

Mary´s eyes fluttered shut when his lips met her´s, softly, gently and oh so sweetly it made her heart melt.

They finally broke apart again, a dreamy smile on Mary´s face as she looked back at Bert.

"No one else?"

"Never."

She sighed contently as he wrapped her into his arms once more.

"I love you too, Bert, I just was so scared- I still am."

"Don´t be, my love- we will find a way."

"But I don´t even know how long I will be allowed to stay, they could make me leave tomorrow."

"You will come back, you always have and one day we will be together and have a family of our own."

"What a wonderful vision, Bert."

"You should sleep now, Mary, it´s going to be another busy day for you tomorrow."

"Yes- thank you, Bert."

"For what?"

"For being here, listening to me."

"Kissing you?"

"Yes, that too."

She admitted, a bit embarrassed but he only laughed.

"It was a pleasure- will I see you on Tuesday?"

"Yes, you will."

They had gotten up and walked back over to the window and Bert pressed another gentle kiss to Mary´s lips before brushing her hair out of her face.

"Goodnight, my Darling."

"Goodnight, Bert."

She watched him wave and then walk away until she couldn´t see him anymore, then she sank back onto her bed, a dreamy smile on her face.

He loved her- he really did.


End file.
